This past year has been a whirlwind of ups and downs. Actually, my entire life has been an insane rollercoaster. What has changed between the past bumps in my life and the bumps of today, is that I make a different choice now to turn to God for everything instead trying to carry all of the problems of the world on my shoulders.

A little over a year ago, I moved across the country, back home to Iowa, by myself. I was starting over again, and for the first time in my life, I was doing it alone. My entire life, I had never lived by myself. When anyone would ask me what I enjoy, the answer always had something to do with the interests of my children or, more recently, my grandchildren. The answer was never, “knitting”, “cooking”, “reading”, etc. I realized I had never developed a hobby or interests of my own. For the first time in my life, I had been tasked with figuring out who I am and what my purpose in life was supposed to be at this stage. Of course spending time with my family always fills my heart with joy and always will, but what about the rest of the time? Who am I and what is my purpose? Surely I was not created by God to work, eat, sleep, and repeat.

My daughter invited me to her church when I moved back to Iowa. It’s funny, I never thought I would enjoy going to a large church. I always thought I would feel invisible. When I walked in to this church, however, I instantly fell in love with everything about it. There were greeters who wished me a good morning with a smile, a large cafeteria where they provided a free (donations welcome) breakfast, a bookstore and coffee shop, where the proceeds go to missions, and lots of groups and classes for people to get involved and grow in their faith. This was exactly what I was looking for!

Ever since that day I have only missed going to Sunday morning church a few times. Most of the time, my daughter and grandchildren meet me there, but I still enjoy going even on the days they can’t. On the few occasions I am not able to attend, I watch the service on TV, streaming it on YouTube.

I’ve read the Bible over the years off and on in small pieces throughout my life. I know the stories of the Bible, but I’ve never really understood the true meaning of it all. I would get to a section of genealogy and feel like the dumbest person in the world because I would not understand, so I would put my Bible away where it collected dust until months later when I went to church again or had a bad day and needed guidance.

I set a goal a year ago to commit to learning the Bible. I wanted more than just knowing the stories. I wanted to be so rooted in God’s word that nothing could shake my faith. I want to really understand the meaning of it all.

I personally have been through many struggles in my life from the time I was a child. Because of this, the story of Job has always resonated with me. Although my struggles were nothing like his, I still had many significant struggles that made me feel completely helpless and small, so I could relate to Job. When I read Job before I started really digging into God’s word, it made me confused and sad. I didn’t understand why God would allow this to happen to Job, or to me. Now I understand this assessment was completely backwards.

This past year I started giving my struggles to God, praying over every moment of anxiety, fear, confusion, etc. I realized I was not capable of figuring everything out on my own, nor should I. I started to turn to God for literally everything, both praying for my struggles, the struggles of others, and praising God with gratitude for my blessings. What I noticed is instead of carrying negativity such as anxiety, anger, or sadness, I am filled with peace and happiness all the time. Anytime I feel a negative thought or emotion creeping in, I immediately turn to God. He fills me with peace so I no longer carry those awful feelings for days, weeks, or even months, like I used to. Of my struggles, I no longer ask God why, implying he is allowing struggles to occur. I now ask for guidance, peace, strength and knowledge so I can understand the lesson and move past the negativity.

Back to Job – what happened to Job? God restored his family with seven more sons, three more daughters, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. God also restored his fortune giving him twice as much as he had before. Despite all of his struggles and losing everything he had, Job never turned away from God. I now realize it was never about the struggle, it was about about staying faithful to God despite the struggles. It was the devil, not God, who caused his struggles. Job’s unshakable faith in God turned everything around and restored him.

Previously, I never understood why the devil tormented Job. Similarly, I didn’t understand why, in today’s world, “famous” people who mock God and shun Christians have big houses, fancy cars, and designer stuff, yet they are so ugly on the inside and so undeserving. At the same time, the good people who pray over everything and everyone, who are strong in faith and would give everything to lift someone else up, always seem to struggle. What I’ve come to understand is the devil picked Job to test his faith and try to turn him away from God. The same is true in today’s terms. All of God’s children are Job to some extent. The devil doesn’t need to play these evil games and test the faith of those who already belong to him. He only does this to God’s children as a desperate attempt to separate God’s children from God.

Your struggles are not from God, that is the deception. It is so easy to fall into the trap of saying, “God why aren’t you fixing this situation?” or “God why would you allow this to happen?” Know this, your struggles are both an opportunity and a lesson. You have two choices: 1. believe the lie, fall into the devil’s hands, and blame God, the true light of the world, or 2. be so rooted in God’s word that you know the truth – God is the light of the world and will take care of and restore you just like Job. It may not always be the way you had planned, but God’s plans are greater than our own, so give your struggles to God and lean on him for strength and understanding.

I am 56 years old and in all my years of pure chaos, raising children, trying to have all the answers while battling depression and anxiety, and struggling every step of the way, my one regret is letting my Bible collect dust all those years. Now I am finally at peace and have joy in my heart every single day. Now I don’t see the story of Job as sad and confusing, but I see it as a story of strength and redemption against all odds. With God all things are possible. Spoiler alert: God wins.

I encourage everyone who reads this to pray over EVERYTHING. Making sure that my Bible no longer collects dust has really changed my life.

But now, thus saith the Lord that created thee, O Jacob, and he that formed thee, O Israel, Fear not; for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine.

~ Isaiah 43:1